Why Men Cheat: The Masculine, The Feminine, and The Dragon of Fear

Understanding Infidelity Through the Lens of Polarity, Psychology, and Love

The greatest threat to love isn’t conflict or even disconnection.

It’s the Dragon of Fear.

This Dragon breathes fire in the form of blame, withdrawal, numbing, avoidance, and secrecy. And it appears when the polarity in a relationship—the dance between Masculine and Feminine—begins to break down.

When it enters the space between two lovers, it distorts intimacy, kills polarity, and drives us into the arms of escape.

Let’s explore why men cheat—not to excuse, but to understand—through the archetypal lens of the Masculine and Feminine, the anxious/avoidant cycle, and the human longing for connection.

 A Note on Polarity: Not About Gender

In this metaphor, the Masculine (the Sun) and Feminine (the Moon) represent energetic dynamics, not fixed gender roles. In any relationship—regardless of sex or orientation—either partner can embody the active, radiating energy of the Masculine or the receptive, intuitive, magnetic energy of the Feminine. These archetypal forces exist within all of us, and the dance between them fuels desire, safety, and love.

The Masculine and The Feminine: A Dance of Focus and Radiance

In romantic polarity, the Masculine is the Sun—radiant, focused, directional. The Feminine is the Moon—receptive, radiant, and reflective.

When the Masculine's sexual attention, emotional presence, and energy are fully directed toward the Feminine, she glows. She softens, opens, and becomes magnetically alive.

But when the Masculine’s focus drifts—toward work, stress, screens, distraction, porn, or another woman—the Feminine feels the shift before it’s ever spoken.

She knows.

Her radiance dims.

Not because she’s broken, but because the light she reflects has withdrawn.

 The Dragon of Fear and the Anxious–Avoidant Dance

Sensing this disconnection, the Feminine’s Dragon of Fear awakens. She may become urgent, emotional, or reactive. Her energy reaches for the Masculine:

“Where are you?” “Why don’t I feel you?” “Are we okay?”

This is often the anxious protest of someone who longs for safety and reconnection (Sue Johnson, EFT). But the Masculine may misread it as control, pressure, or attack.

In truth, his own Dragon of Fear is also stirring—fear of failure, shame, or emotional inadequacy. He feels he’s already not enough. So instead of leaning in, he pulls away.

This is the avoidant response (Gabor Maté, Couples Institute). He turns inward or outward, not because he doesn’t care, but because fear tells him he’s failing or being smothered.

 Clarification: The Feminine’s reactivity doesn’t cause the Masculine to cheat. His choice is still his own. But both partners often react from fear, creating a cycle of polarity breakdown and emotional distance.

How the Cycle Really Begins: The Masculine’s Inner Split

This isn’t a one-sided story. The Masculine’s withdrawal often begins before the Feminine reacts.

He starts to doubt himself, feel trapped, or unworthy. His inner narrative may say:

“I’m not enough.” “I’ll never satisfy her.” “It’s safer to detach.”

But instead of voicing this, he hides it—behind silence, work, or escape. His light fades. The Feminine’s longing increases. And the polarity begins to unravel.

When the Feminine Feels Unseen, and the Masculine Seeks Eros Elsewhere

In the space of disconnection, the Masculine becomes vulnerable to false Eros—newness, affirmation, escape.  Another woman—or even a screen—reflects his energy without conflict. He feels like the Sun again. She radiates. He feels powerful, wanted, needed.

But this is Thanatos masquerading as Eros—the lure of false life and illusion over real love and presence. It's not deeper intimacy—it's avoidance of it.

Meanwhile, his true partner—the Feminine—dims in grief and self-doubt, not because she lacks value, but because his light has turned elsewhere.

Jung, Maté, and the Shadow that Drives Betrayal

According to Carl Jung, what remains unconscious will control our lives.  A man who cheats is often acting out parts of himself he hasn’t owned—unmet needs, shame, fear of rejection, or emotional neglect from childhood.

Gabor Maté would say this isn’t about desire—it’s about pain. The Masculine tries to soothe the pain of unworthiness by chasing external validation.

But it’s a hollow fix. The wound remains. And the damage spreads.

Healing the Cycle: Returning to Polarity Through Vulnerability

Healing doesn’t happen through punishment, shame, or silent resentment. It happens when the Masculine reclaims his light and the Feminine reclaims her worth—and both learn to speak from love, not fear.

Through Nonviolent Communication (NVC), the cycle can begin to shift.

The Feminine might say:

“When I feel your energy turn away, I feel scared and disconnected. I long for your presence—it helps me feel safe and radiant.”

The Masculine might say:

“When I feel like I’m not enough, I pull away. But I don’t want to leave you. I want to return to you with strength and love.”

Terry Real teaches that relational growth requires honest self-reflection and responsibility, not blaming or bypassing. The Gottman Institute emphasizes that trust is rebuilt in everyday moments of turning toward instead of away.

 The Truth About Why Men Cheat

Cheating is not about someone better. It’s about where the Masculine directs his energy or Light.

The Feminine does not dim because she is not enough. She dims when the light of presence is no longer shining on her.

The Masculine forgets that his true power is not in being admired by many, but in loving one deeply with devotion and presence.

And when he returns his light—not out of guilt, but through a conscious act of love-the Feminine rises again.

Radiant. Open. Alive.

 Practical Takeaways: How to Shift the Cycle

For the Masculine (Sun energy):

• Notice where your attention and energy are going.

• If you’re using porn, fantasy, or work to avoid, pause and ask: What am I afraid to feel?

• Reclaim your power by offering your presence back to the Feminine—not out of obligation, but as your sacred gift.

  
  

For the Feminine (Moon energy):

• Trust your inner knowing when his energy shifts.

• Speak from your heart, not your wounds: “I miss you.” “I feel lost when I can’t feel you.”

• Prioritize your radiance: self-care, boundaries, and receptivity help realign the polarity.

  
  

For both:

• Learn to recognize your Dragon of Fear.

• Practice courage over control, curiosity over criticism.

• Choose connection over being right.

  
  

Final Thought: Love is a Choice of Focus

Cheating is not about lust. It’s about where the Masculine chooses to shine his light.

When he forgets his power, the Feminine dims. But when he returns with presence, protection, and passion—the Feminine glows in her fullness.

This is polarity restored.

He, the conscious Masculine—the Sun. She, the radiant Feminine—the Moon. Together, they create love that glows through every phase.

POLARITY AND CONNECTION (Eros)

• Masculine (Sun) is present, focused, beaming toward the Feminine (Moon)

  
  

  → She radiates (feels desired, safe, expressive)

  
  

  → He feels admired and powerful (natural giver/protector)

  
  

  → Healthy polarity: attraction, intimacy, trust

A Story of the Cycle

Eli and Aria were together for seven years. In the beginning, Eli adored her. He brought her coffee every morning, texted her poetry in the middle of the day, and lit up when she walked into the room. Aria glowed. She felt beautiful, wanted, and alive.

But as Eli became consumed with work and stress, he unconsciously pulled his attention away. Aria noticed. She started asking more questions.

"Where were you last night?" "Why don’t you touch me like before?"

The more she asked, the more he shut down. He felt like he couldn’t win. She felt like she was losing him.

Then came the affair. It wasn't planned. It was a moment where he felt seen again, like the Sun in someone's sky. The other woman laughed at his jokes, needed nothing from him, and didn’t reflect his inner storm at him.

When Aria found out, she was shattered. But instead of only rage, she finally said what she was too scared to before:

"I missed the way you used to look at me. I miss feeling like your light was mine."

Eli cried—not just from understanding, but from guilt and a deep sense of atonement. He had never understood this before. But now he sees the pain he caused, and why he did this.

That he was the Masculine, and his light had the power to make the Feminine shine.

Eli had never understood why he pulled away from his wife. She was beautiful, kind, and loyal—but when she started nagging or asking for more, he felt suffocated. He didn’t realize she was just trying to get his light back.

He didn’t realize how much she longed to shine for him.

But now he sees the pain he caused, and why he did this.

He saw that his wife didn’t want to control him. She just wanted to reflect his love.

She wanted to shine.

And he wanted to be her Sun again.