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Balance Your Relationship: Embracing Unity with Appreciation and Terry Real's Relational Life Therapy

The secret ingredient to becoming an effective team.

In the intricate dance of human relationships, finding harmony often requires understanding and embracing the unique dynamics between individuals. Terry Real's Relational Life Therapy emerges as a transformative approach, offering profound insights into couples counselling. In this blog post, we dive into the principles of RLT, explore the differences between masculine individualistic tendencies and feminine relational tendencies and highlight the power of appreciation as a vital element in fostering balanced connections.

Relational Life Therapy Unveiled:

Terry Real's Relational Life Therapy is a groundbreaking approach designed to address the complexities that impact intimate relationships. This therapeutic model recognizes that individuals bring their past experiences, traumas, and relational patterns into their current partnerships. RLT empowers individuals to take responsibility for their roles and equips them with the tools for positive change. 

Masculine Individualism vs. Feminine Relational Strengths:

A core aspect of RLT involves understanding and navigating the differences between how masculine and feminine approach relationships. Traditionally, societal norms have positioned masculine men as more individualistic, valuing autonomy and self-reliance, while feminine women are seen as more relational, placing importance on connection and emotional intimacy. RLT reframes these differences as unique strengths that, when harnessed effectively, can complement and learn from one another.

Benefits of Understanding Your Relationship as Your Biosphere:

Terry Real's concept of a relationship as a biosphere emphasizes the relationship's health directly affects the well-being of each individual. Recognizing your relationship as an interconnected ecosystem can lead to several benefits for both of you. 

  1. Enhanced Emotional Intelligence: RLT encourages a deeper understanding of emotions, fostering more effective communication and connection.

  2. Breaking free from Isolation: Men or the masculine energy, often conditioned to be self-reliant, can benefit from the power of connection, breaking free from the isolation that individualism can foster.

  3. Improved Conflict Resolution: RLT equips individuals with tools to navigate conflicts constructively, nurturing vulnerability and understanding.

  4. Increased Relationship Satisfaction: Viewing the relationship as a shared biosphere promotes collaboration, mutual growth, and a sense of shared purpose toward becoming an effective team. 

Balancing Act - Becoming a Team Through Relational Life Therapy:

A crucial aspect of RLT involves recognizing that relationships thrive when there is a balance between individuality and togetherness. This equilibrium transforms partners into a cohesive team, navigating life's challenges hand in hand. Through interventions couples can learn to harmonize their unique strengths by accepting influence from one another, creating a resilient partnership.  

The Power of Appreciation:

Do you ever reminisce about the initial spark in your relationship? The excitement, chemistry, and overwhelming appreciation for your partner's positive qualities? As time passes, sustaining appreciation can be difficult if your relationship gets stuck in a negative pattern. Terry Real's RLT encourages focusing on your partner's strengths and adapting winning strategies to navigate challenges. This transformative power of appreciation creates a positive feedback loop, rejuvenating relationships and encouraging teamwork. When you both feel valued through appreciation you have a better chance of improving your relationship. Continually pointing out what your partner is doing wrong makes it harder for your partner to be positive towards you. Giving is an action of the divine masculine where the feminine divine is the receiving energy. When the masculine individual feels what they are doing is appreciated this can help continue a cohesive state. Where the feminine is in a divine state when they are in the receiving energy, instead of only focusing on giving.  

Terry Real's Relational Life Therapy coupled with the transformative power of appreciation, offers a refreshing approach to couples counselling. By understanding and appreciating the differences between masculine individualistic tendencies and feminine relational strengths, you can learn to create a thriving partnership. Recognizing your relationship as your biosphere can be particularly empowering for masculine individuals, with a greater chance of a happier, healthier life built on mutual understanding, connection, and shared growth. The journey towards a balanced team starts with celebrating the strengths you bring to each other. 

Terry Real's Winning Strategies and Losing Strategies Resource:

Five Winning Strategies For Getting What You Want by Terry Real

Shifting From Complaint to Request

Instead of complaining about what your partner did wrong, ask them for what you want. You have no right to complain about what you never asked for.

Speak Out With Love & Savvy

During conflict and disappointment, it’s often difficult to behave constructively. But if you take the time to think about your true goal, connecting and repairing with the person you love, you have a much better chance of getting what you want from your partner.

Respond with Generosity 

When your partner comes to you seeking repair a natural response is to counter their position, defend your actions, or tell them the ways you also feel dissatisfied. None of this will help move you back into connection. Instead, listen to truly understand, acknowledge your behaviour, and give your partner as much as you can.

Empower Each Other

The final steps in the repair process are to express appreciation for everything that your partner has agreed to do for you and, to offer to help your partner deliver on what they have agreed to do. Ask your partner:

“How can I help you to give me what I want?”

Cherish What You Have

Cultivate joy and pleasure in your relationship. Express appreciation for your partner. Demonstrate your love, passion and affection for your partner. Rediscover romance, fun, and new experiences together. Find time to be fully available and in tune with one another. Focus on the good in your relationship and in your life together.

Five Losing Strategies For Getting What You Want by Terry Real

Unbridled Self-Expression

Sharing how hurt, angry, or outraged you feel in the name of venting, getting things off your chest, or so-called open, honest communication. Expressing how horrible you feel, or how terribly you think your partner has behaved, won’t get them to listen, let alone change.

Needing to be Right

Stating “objectively”on what “really happened” so that your partner will understand the “truth”and change their opinion, understanding, or position. You may even be “right”and have evidence to prove your case, but still won’t get you any closer to your partner.

Controlling Your Partner

“Getting” your partner to do what you want, to change, to be better, or get back to how they were when you were first together doesn’t work. People don’t like to being controlled or manipulated into changing or doing something, even when it’s the right thing to do, or “for their own good.”


Trying to get your partner to understand how hurt or upset you feel by hurting them back, or by passive aggressively holding back. Offending from the victim position won’t make your partner more accountable, understanding, or sorry for what they did that hurt you.


Whether it’s motivated by a desire to punish your partner, avoid conflict, protect yourself from vulnerability, or just remove yourself from an exhausting exchange or a continually difficult topic, unilateral withdrawal is not an effective strategy for keeping the peace in a relationship.

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